The Independent Girl

Being independent as a choice of survival

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“I believe that we are who we choose to be. Nobody is going to come and save you. You’ve got to save yourself nobody is going to give you anything, you’ve got to go out and fight for it. Nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don’t get it. So don’t give up on your dreams” -unknown

I live by this quote.

Whenever I feel down or berated

like the world is an unfair place, I go back and read this quote over and over again, in order to remind myself that we are who we choose to be. That most of the results I get out of life is because of the choices that I have made and I’m about to make. Nobody is going to come and make the choices for me, and no one is going to fight through for me on the bad choices that I have made. In the end of the day, it’s all me.

Therefore, being independent for me is a choice of survival. A choice I cannot escape. Maybe, because I hate explaining myself or answering to someone, on things that don’t make sense even to myself.

Naturally, some might call it pride –and maybe it is – but I just cannot put into words the things I feel, as I have always been an impulsive person. I do whatever comes to my heart and head at that particular moment.  And I definitely understand why it might seem unreasonable to a lot of people why I would make the choices that I make, but to me, it brings me a sense of peace, that way I can sleep at night and wake up in the morning without a heavy heart or loathing the world in general.

To me, independence is a freedom of mind and soul. To be able to do things for myself without asking from anyone is a sense of achievement. I would always appreciate it even more when I struggle for it. Equally, it makes me value the things that people do for me to a greater extent, which I would never be able to do, if I took things for granted.

So starting to work a full time job at the age of seventeen, seemed like a great idea at that time. The excitement of going out into the real world and of knowing that dreaded activity of dragging my feet from my bedroom to the sitting room to ask for money, was going to end, just made my stomach fill with butterflies. Crazy, I know!

I’ve never been a smart child, really, just an independent one. Haha.

I don’t regret any part of it actually. At that time, to me, it was the right thing to do and I went ahead with it. Since, almost every choice we make consists of a hundred things that eventually lead you to make that one decision. If someone was to rewind the time and ask me if I would do anything differently, I wouldn’t. Those choices I made have taught me a lot.

However, before I started working these are a few things that I wish I knew, among many. Hey, nobody said it would be perfect; because nothing ever is anyway.

  1. Keep that pride away

I can be quite a proud person to be honest (insert proud emoji). And I learnt the hard way that your pride can decrease you a lot of points, and make you look like an insincere, selfish human being. But did I let go of this dear old friend of mine. No, sir. It’s still growing healthily day by day.

Shows how much I still have a long way to go

  1. To be patient

Patience. Patience. Patience. How much do I emphasize about this?  Those were the times I wish I knew Harry Potter so that he could make me dozens and dozens of patience potions. I do realize now that you need patience in almost everything in life.  But really, I cannot say this too many times. I needed patience to take everything with a grain of salt. Since, you need so much patience to keep that hope that everything is going to work out for the better. That whatever you’re going through at that particular moment is just temporary. That screaming on top of your lungs or having sleepless nights alone, crying, is never going to solve a single thing.

  1. To not be too understanding

This definitely explains itself. You need to be headstrong and voice out your opinions, no matter what, no matter whom. I always took the easy way out and just nodded, saying I understood the situation. Which I didn’t. I had so many questions in my head that needed answers to, and I would always reprimand myself for not asking them. I was the youngest in the office, I had to behave well –that was my mentality. But now that I know, let me tell you -Work and manners are two different worlds that should NEVER blend.

This is why –Nice girls don’t get the corner office (https://www.amazon.com/Nice-Girls-Dont-Corner-Office/dp/0446693316)

  1. To never take anything too personally

In the end of the day, your boss is bound to lash out at you; you’re bound to lash out at someone under you. It’s never personal. Taking things personally, just made me overthink things, always putting my mind in an unnecessary concern of where I stand, instead of just taking it as it is, remind myself I was only human, learn from it and move on.

It’s very easy to think that everyone is your friend, or try to befriend everyone. But, I always had to remind myself that being friendly and being a friend are two completely separate things.

  1. Do not try and do/be everything

I was open to anything and everything. I wanted to learn everything and do everything. At some point it was good, but then, in the long run, it makes you lose focus. You get confused and over loaded. Suddenly, all the heads in every department are all your bosses; everyone is demanding something with a deadline. You become so stumped by everything that at the end of the day, nothing is done. And can you go back and say that you can’t do this anymore? Do you remember what your job was in the first place? Did anyone ask you to try and learn everything? Did anyone ask you to be a know-it-all? Talk about whirlwinds.

Ultimately, it was a lesson learned. My job also made me realize how much I hated being caged. I missed my in-dependency at that time; because I came to find out that the independence that I’d just been rambling about was ‘money in-dependency’, but I grasped that being independent meant being free. Having freewill, freedom of choice, freedom of making mistakes and freedom of just being human. These were all ways of being independent as well.

I love that I know now.

After all….

“My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me, or defeated me; it has only strengthened me” –Steve Maraboli

Photo Credit: Pinterest

~Mi Hi ~

Author: Mi Hi

Bubbly Happiness

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