There is a part of me that feels blessed and forgiving; but then, there’s also a part of me that feels betrayed and cruel. All of these feelings feel my own yet so alien.
A lot happens when my mind is about to sleep.
I keep wondering about the numbness that I’ve been feeling for a long time.
I keep wondering if it’s ever going to stop. If the tears will ever come, to fill the neverending hollowness inside of me. The overwhelming quietness. I can’t seem to understand -if I’m in pain; why weren’t the tears coming.
I can’t seem to figure anything out lately and I hate the confusion, the questions that have no answers or the people that don’t seem to understand.
They say it’s my choice. I caused this numbness and I chose these feelings. I was allowing the emptiness to take over me, and that I was the only one who could change that. I needed to look at everything positively, they said.
I can’t seem to understand them, is that why they can’t understand me?
But when will the tears come? I want to feel. I need to fill this desolation.
It hurts. Yet, I don’t cry.
Is this normal? Do tears sometimes disappear?
An earthling ❤