NEITHER HERE NOR THERE

 

Ever since I parted ways with friends I once met every day, I’ve always wondered what it was that kept us together. Was it the fact that we met every day, did similar things and experienced life together? Was it only our similarities that bound us?

I haven’t met most of my school friends since I finished my O Levels. And although that was quite a number of years ago, I think of them every single day. Though sometimes, I wonder if they do the same.

To be honest, I haven’t been the easiest person to remain friends with. My parents were strict so I wasn’t able to meet up with my friends much. Then my friends moved abroad for studies. Then I got married and moved away. Just one thing after another – I guess they were tests of our friendship.

Now don’t get me wrong, we’re still in touch. But sometimes I do get this pain in my chest; an unanswered question – if we were alone in the same room, and we were done catching up, what would we talk about?

Time changes things. I realized that the first month my friends started their A levels, while I was studying at college. Things were suddenly different. We didn’t view things the way we did before. Some sort of growth spurt I guess – just in different directions. Neither right nor wrong. Just… different.

Unfortunately, I’m not good with keeping in touch over the phone – I’m just not that well acquainted with technology. I barely post on social media, let alone pick up the phone or send a message to people whom I love. That is my fault, and it’s been a hard road trying to change.

Maintaining relations requires time and effort. Lots of it. And if there’s anything I’ve learnt, its that its this lack of dedicated time and effort that allows distances to grow. I don’t think I ever realized how hard it would be for me – to see some of these friends still so close, while I feel like I barely know the people they are now. But now that I have understood, I try to reach out as much as I can. DO as much as I can. And although it’s not much, it is still better than doing nothing.

I know that we’ve all been busy with our individual lives, and I’ve come to appreciate that I don’t need to speak to someone every day in order to feel a bond with them. We still call each other nicknames from school, and that always gives me a sweet tingle in my chest – we haven’t lost it yet.

To my Chingus,

I miss you.

 

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