Hope everyone is doing amazing and ready to read my part: WHAT 2018 TAUGHT NASRA!
When 2018 came I remember exactly how I felt, it was 11:55pm 31st December 2017 I got down on my knees, cried away 2017, cried into 2018. I felt weak, scared but hopeful for 2018. Am thankful for this year, alhamdullilah it has been great for the most part. One word to sum up 2018: unpredictable and the lessons I learnt in 2018 can be narrowed to mainly 3
1. Forgiving yourself
This is the greatest lesson I learnt this year that no matter what happened I have to forgive myself, no matter what happens I will forgive myself because I live with me, no one else does, I know myself better. Yes people love and genuinely care about me but I am the only person who understands the true strength of the demons, pain and darkness I fight to deserve my peace of mind. So cheers to forgiving my mistakes, failures, bad behaviors, disappointments.
When it is dark and the sun has long set, no one can see me racing time fighting with my every breath, it is me alone. When the stars are shining above but I am too tired to look up, i am still by myself when light passes me by. When I am surrounded by everyone i love but my mind is bleeding out, it is still me alone even around the most comfortable of company.
I need to forgive myself first before I ask for your forgiveness.
2. Never justify for being you
Ok, so this one was not totally out of the blue because I always knew no one really wants to hear your reason and if they have the courtesy to lend you the ear they probably won’t take it into account. You shouldn’t justify for simply being you, having standards, setting boundaries or a difference in principles. Of course few matters need reason and explanation but I am talking about daily things such as smiling or not or not being comfortable with the crowd. You shouldn’t feel the need to explain the way you spend your day just because it’s a little different or out of what is acceptable in your society.
This year especially taught me more on this because I was and still am different than most people I meet; every day they know more about me they question and wonder expecting me to answer. Every person has a different way of expressing themselves, accept it or not but don’t expect me to explain when you already have me buried under judgement and painted misconceptions to fit the pieces of your belief. You justifying yourself puts you under their shoes, it comes back to only two options for them to accept your reasons or not, and how does that matter exactly? It doesn’t and shouldn’t make a difference in any way!
Freedom to color your soul any how you desire: no one should feel pressured to be a certain way. The world would be boring if we all thought similar or if we all loved the same. Imagine everyone sounding no different, so be loud, be shy, be whoever you are.
3. The importance of keeping to oneself
Many times we hear “talk to someone, it will help” or “I am here if you want to talk” but what do you do when deep down you know no one can understand, or if the person that understood isnt here, you keep to yourself, hold those secrets close.
Some things we go through arent meant to be talked about to everyone, not everyone should read your chapter. Don’t get me wrong here, am not talking about depression or anxiety, those are as real as they are scary and require support from whoever you can find.
Imagine you hold a secret, a life changing incident; can you really risk people finding out? People you have seen attack others of similar history as you? People who dig shallow for information? Most people talk to us so they can collect stories and secrets; it’s a thing they use to start conversation somewhere else.
So why would I open my heart and pour my soul just to regret later? I am enough strength, I am enough to love and most importantly I am trust. If you are lucky enough to find the one to talk to, then go on, let yourself tell your story until you connect because that would be beautiful and meaningful. Keeping to oneself is not an easy choice, but sometimes the world just heard enough ugly stories to care about another one, atleast that’s what I think and has gotten me through the worst. Funny enough we arent really alone, we have GOD, so am not really hiding away I just disclose to my heart and my GOD. And that is the absolute perfect connection I need.
So here is to 2018, thank you for being great with a few stops for beating me up, I appreciate it. that is all I have learnt mainly but I have other lessons I keep relearning since years back, not everything can be learnt in a year, some take decades, things like self-esteem and extent of family love, one cannot understand and master these in a mere 12 months.
Thank you for stopping by and reading, I want to hear from you all so comment below. Happy 2019!
What lessons from 2018 will you be taking to 2019?